“Though many Rambos there be; great, big and small. Our Rambo, to his students, is the scariest of them all.”
The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live here who remember it. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for five long years, ConB and Rambo passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, ConB and Rambo ensnared another batch. Our batch.
We had heard no stories about him, and that seemed to add to his aura. He started his first class by ‘thanking us for taking his course’. That should have set the alarm bells ringing. Hell, that should have sent us running to the Acad council; begging them to let us drop this course. Since we were still there in the second class, the prof correctly surmised that we weren’t too bright. At the end of the first class, Viru Bhau (showing the kind of enthu/chul/keeda that he reserves only for the marketing courses) showed the temerity to walk up to Rambo and state that “Sir, why do you insist so much on definitions?”. I would have used the word explosion to describe the next class, but the word explosion would fall woefully short of expressing the magnitude of what followed. I can’t even describe what happened in that class (My fingers can type, but they didn’t witness the incident. And my eyes saw that incident, but they are incapable of typing.).
That was when we knew that we were facing “The Rambo” himself.
Case Presentation 1: There was no lull, there was no storm; this was Rambo at his best. Even time slowed down to see the master at work. The voice was softer than that of Marlon Brando, but the effect was 100 times more sinister. If the presenting groups were to be hanged, drawn, and quartered after that, well that would have been a mercy.
There was a time when he wasn’t known as Rambo, back then he was plain SRK. How he came to be known as Rambo is what the rest of this blog is about. This scene is set a few months after the events of Rambo-3. John Rambo disregarded some sane and well-meant advice from his seniors and dared to take SRK’s course.
Encounter1
Day: Monday, Time: 2:30:01, Venue:L-11, Setting: John Rambo enters the class
SRK: Who are you?
John Rambo: Your worst nightmare.
SRK: Please come to the next class.
Encounter2
Day: Tuesday, Time: 2:30:00, Venue:L-11, Setting: John Rambo enters the class
SRK(addressing the class): You see, he seems to derive hedonistic pleasure in coming late to the class.
John Rambo: I am on time. Why are you pushing me?
SRK: Do you know the definition of pushing? Do you know what Philip Kotler has said about it?
(John Rambo takes his knife out of his boots.)
SRK: You have not done any analysis of the situation at all. Even a first level analysis would have told you that knives don’t work on me. A second level analysis would have told you that you are about to get your ass whopped.
What followed was legen- wait for it-dary.
Since then, John Rambo is known to babble stuff like “Sometimes I wake up and I don't know where I am. And I don't talk to anybody. Sometimes a day. Sometimes a week. Can't put it out of my mind.”, “I spent six months as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, but I have never felt so thoroughly violated.”. He ran away, a broken man, and spent the rest of his life acting in B-grade Hollywood movies.
This was the fateful day when a fake Rambo died and “The Rambo” was born.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Hypocrisy and our political class
Somebody once said that Diplomacy is the art of the possible. Actually he got it wrong. It’s actually hypocrisy which is the art of the possible.
Case in Point: The behavior of the “honorable” members of our parliament. Logic does take a back seat in our country’s politics. But yesterday it was ushered out of the arena itself. I am by no means a supporter of the latest bill on reservation, and the sole reason I am supporting this bill is because of the kind of people who are opposing this bill. (Being a Bihari and having graduated from Allahabad I can’t support anything either Mulayam or Lalu think is right. When both of them agree on something, well then my decision is set in stone.)
Instance 1:
Our parliament does not have reservation for OBCs, minorities (a euphemism in our political circles for muslims). Now suddenly when the women’s reservation bill was introduced, if it does not have separate reservation for OBCs, minorities; the great politicians from the cow belt denounce it as being anti-this, anti-that. Why don’t our honorable MPs start by demanding reservations for OBC in the parliament itself?
Instance2:
Not allowing the debates to take place in parliament is democratic (someone please tell them the meaning of the word parliament), but using marshals to evict these troublemakers from the parliament is undemocratic.
Instance3:
When students protest against reservations, then they are either “manuvadi” or casteist. But when these clowns do the same, then they are democratic.
Hypocrisy thy synonym is politicians especially politicians from the cow belt.
Case in Point: The behavior of the “honorable” members of our parliament. Logic does take a back seat in our country’s politics. But yesterday it was ushered out of the arena itself. I am by no means a supporter of the latest bill on reservation, and the sole reason I am supporting this bill is because of the kind of people who are opposing this bill. (Being a Bihari and having graduated from Allahabad I can’t support anything either Mulayam or Lalu think is right. When both of them agree on something, well then my decision is set in stone.)
Instance 1:
Our parliament does not have reservation for OBCs, minorities (a euphemism in our political circles for muslims). Now suddenly when the women’s reservation bill was introduced, if it does not have separate reservation for OBCs, minorities; the great politicians from the cow belt denounce it as being anti-this, anti-that. Why don’t our honorable MPs start by demanding reservations for OBC in the parliament itself?
Instance2:
Not allowing the debates to take place in parliament is democratic (someone please tell them the meaning of the word parliament), but using marshals to evict these troublemakers from the parliament is undemocratic.
Instance3:
When students protest against reservations, then they are either “manuvadi” or casteist. But when these clowns do the same, then they are democratic.
Hypocrisy thy synonym is politicians especially politicians from the cow belt.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Coincidence
Over time I have noticed a few curious coincidences between the fortunes of the English football team and India’s Hockey team.
1. I will start with a weak one. Every four years, they are expected to win the world cup; when realistically speaking they would be lucky to get anywhere near the semi-finals.
But the major similarities between these teams are not in terms of what they do on the field, but what they end up doing off the field (i.e. injuries, off-field distractions).
2. 1998 Football World Cup: Gazza, the best English player in god knows how many generations, is not selected to play in the world cup. Why did the Brits even bother to send a team if Gazza wasn’t going to be there.
1998 Hockey World Cup:
Rajiv Mishra, a forward who had “a legend in the making” written all over him, gets injured right before the world cup (What happened to him after that is the reason why India no longer wins anything in hockey, but that is another story).
3. 2002 Football World Cup: A clearly half fit David Beckham led England in the World Cup. There is no shame in losing to Brazil, but the manner of their capitulation was shameful.
2002 Hockey World Cup: Disaster struck in the form of the coach (read Cedric D’Souza).
4. 2006 Football World Cup: Rooney’s injury and the whole media circus that surrounded it. And to top it all, their manager’s huge gamble in taking Theo Walcott to the world cup when he wasn’t deemed good enough to play in the EPL by Arsene Wenger.
2006 Hockey World Cup:
This is what happened to Sandeep Singh a month before the world cup.
5. English manager tries to cut a deal with a phoney-arab and is caught with his pants down.
Secretary of Indian Hockey Federation accepts money on camera to ensure that one player was selected in the Indian hockey team.
6. 2010 Football World Cup: Escapades of John Terry, Ashley Cole. Injury to Rio Ferdinand (he has been out of form in any case).
2010 Hockey World Cup: Players are forced to boycott a hockey camp just to ensure that they are paid for playing in tournaments which were held months ago. Then the players are accused of demanding money to play in a charity match.
And in both these cases, we have an administration whose defining characteristic is their incompetence.
1. I will start with a weak one. Every four years, they are expected to win the world cup; when realistically speaking they would be lucky to get anywhere near the semi-finals.
But the major similarities between these teams are not in terms of what they do on the field, but what they end up doing off the field (i.e. injuries, off-field distractions).
2. 1998 Football World Cup: Gazza, the best English player in god knows how many generations, is not selected to play in the world cup. Why did the Brits even bother to send a team if Gazza wasn’t going to be there.
1998 Hockey World Cup:
Rajiv Mishra, a forward who had “a legend in the making” written all over him, gets injured right before the world cup (What happened to him after that is the reason why India no longer wins anything in hockey, but that is another story).
3. 2002 Football World Cup: A clearly half fit David Beckham led England in the World Cup. There is no shame in losing to Brazil, but the manner of their capitulation was shameful.
2002 Hockey World Cup: Disaster struck in the form of the coach (read Cedric D’Souza).
4. 2006 Football World Cup: Rooney’s injury and the whole media circus that surrounded it. And to top it all, their manager’s huge gamble in taking Theo Walcott to the world cup when he wasn’t deemed good enough to play in the EPL by Arsene Wenger.
2006 Hockey World Cup:
This is what happened to Sandeep Singh a month before the world cup.
5. English manager tries to cut a deal with a phoney-arab and is caught with his pants down.
Secretary of Indian Hockey Federation accepts money on camera to ensure that one player was selected in the Indian hockey team.
6. 2010 Football World Cup: Escapades of John Terry, Ashley Cole. Injury to Rio Ferdinand (he has been out of form in any case).
2010 Hockey World Cup: Players are forced to boycott a hockey camp just to ensure that they are paid for playing in tournaments which were held months ago. Then the players are accused of demanding money to play in a charity match.
And in both these cases, we have an administration whose defining characteristic is their incompetence.
Monday, February 22, 2010
A case for JND in Taxation
Latest news reports suggest that the government is planning to increase taxes. Hardly surprising, considering the proliferation in the number of government programs; which help our country by a miniscule amount (in quantitative terms) but aid the Swiss banking industry in a big way. Our fiscal deficit has hit double-digits and although our government officials would love to pretend that everything is hunky dory, only a rank moron would actually buy that.
I am not surprised by the fact that the government is planning to increase taxes but what worries me is the manner in which they are going to do that. I must confess that I am worried by the fact that I will have to pay more taxes. But that’s not the only reason why I am worried. I am worried more by the fact that if this government keeps raising taxes and cutting subsidies, then they may not win the next general elections. Years ago, BJP had described Congress as a ‘terrible alternative’. Unfortunately for BJP, that’s a description which suits them more these days. So we have a choice between a group of people whose tongues have the propensity to lick the boots of a certain Italian lady and a group of people who like to travel in chariots once every five years (and that’s being charitable to them). I never thought that I would ever support a Congress led government, but in this case I would prefer status quo.
So I have no doubt in my mind that the government is going to fleece me and still I want them to stay in power (Please feel free to call me a masochist). Now that my allegiance for the foreseeable future is clear, in my opinion this is how the government should go about fleecing the people of this country.
‘Just Noticeable Difference’ is a concept which can save the day for the government. ‘Just Noticeable Difference’ (JND) is defined as the smallest detectable difference between a starting and secondary level of a particular sensory stimulus. To keep a long story short, the government should increase the taxes, in each tax bracket, by an amount which is just slightly less than the JND for the majority of the people in that tax bracket. If they keep doing that over the next five years, some of us may not notice it even if our tax bill doubles over the next five years!!!!
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. To find out the JND for each tax bracket, the government can conduct a survey which would in turn offer them umpteen opportunities to increase the number of zeros in their Swiss bank account. Who said that you can’t have your cake and eat it too?
I am not surprised by the fact that the government is planning to increase taxes but what worries me is the manner in which they are going to do that. I must confess that I am worried by the fact that I will have to pay more taxes. But that’s not the only reason why I am worried. I am worried more by the fact that if this government keeps raising taxes and cutting subsidies, then they may not win the next general elections. Years ago, BJP had described Congress as a ‘terrible alternative’. Unfortunately for BJP, that’s a description which suits them more these days. So we have a choice between a group of people whose tongues have the propensity to lick the boots of a certain Italian lady and a group of people who like to travel in chariots once every five years (and that’s being charitable to them). I never thought that I would ever support a Congress led government, but in this case I would prefer status quo.
So I have no doubt in my mind that the government is going to fleece me and still I want them to stay in power (Please feel free to call me a masochist). Now that my allegiance for the foreseeable future is clear, in my opinion this is how the government should go about fleecing the people of this country.
‘Just Noticeable Difference’ is a concept which can save the day for the government. ‘Just Noticeable Difference’ (JND) is defined as the smallest detectable difference between a starting and secondary level of a particular sensory stimulus. To keep a long story short, the government should increase the taxes, in each tax bracket, by an amount which is just slightly less than the JND for the majority of the people in that tax bracket. If they keep doing that over the next five years, some of us may not notice it even if our tax bill doubles over the next five years!!!!
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. To find out the JND for each tax bracket, the government can conduct a survey which would in turn offer them umpteen opportunities to increase the number of zeros in their Swiss bank account. Who said that you can’t have your cake and eat it too?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Post-MBA Job Opportunities
For some time I have been wondering about the various available options after my MBA.
Marketing: The art of selling junk, semi-junk and at times a usable product as well.
Consultancy: Writing crap and masquerading it in such a manner that your client feels that he has been endowed with pearls of wisdom.
Finance: The art and science of creating mathematical models which obfuscate the truth beyond recognition, thereby ensuring that you keep getting richer while your clients file for bankruptcy.
Systems: Similar to marketing, but a pre-requisite for this job is a thick skin.
Operations: Actual work, for a change.
I hope some Operations firms turn up at my college. At least then I will have a shot at earning my wages.
Marketing: The art of selling junk, semi-junk and at times a usable product as well.
Consultancy: Writing crap and masquerading it in such a manner that your client feels that he has been endowed with pearls of wisdom.
Finance: The art and science of creating mathematical models which obfuscate the truth beyond recognition, thereby ensuring that you keep getting richer while your clients file for bankruptcy.
Systems: Similar to marketing, but a pre-requisite for this job is a thick skin.
Operations: Actual work, for a change.
I hope some Operations firms turn up at my college. At least then I will have a shot at earning my wages.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Fool Proof Security
I don' understand why people keep talking about foolproof security.
Do they mean that our security agencies are full of fools? Or do they mean that the people challenging the security apparatus of this country are fools (Actually they have shown on more than one occasion that they are at least as smart as our security forces)?
Maybe if our politicians and police force start working on an intelligent-proof/genius-proof security, then we could start hoping against hope for a safer country.
Do they mean that our security agencies are full of fools? Or do they mean that the people challenging the security apparatus of this country are fools (Actually they have shown on more than one occasion that they are at least as smart as our security forces)?
Maybe if our politicians and police force start working on an intelligent-proof/genius-proof security, then we could start hoping against hope for a safer country.
Monday, February 8, 2010
World Cup Predictions
Four years have passed. A new world cup is about to commence. Even as a supporter of Netherland’s team, I don’t believe that they have a realistic chance of winning it. If Holland isn’t going to win it, then I must back some other team to win it. I hate it but it’s about time I took a good look at the list of serious contenders for this trophy.
France:
How can such a talented team have to struggle so hard just to qualify for the tournament? The answer is very simple: If there were a prize for being the worst manager of the year; their manager would have won it hands down for the past 4 years.
It is a great team with a crap coach and though they are in a pretty decent group, they won’t go very far in this world cup.
P.S.: For a team whose recent attacking play has been dysfunctional at best, why is Domenech not playing Pires?
Argentina:
Who was Argentina’s best player in 1998? Fernando Redondo
Why didn’t he play in the 98 world cup? Good question (Only Daniel Passarella knows)
Who was Argentina’s best playmaker in 2002? Riquelme
Why didn’t he play in the 2002 world cup? Ask Marcelo Biesla
Why weren’t Messi and Tevez unleashed on the Germans in 2006? Apparently Julio Cruz was better than them, as far as Jose Pekerman was concerned.
Their problem for a really long time has been their coaches, and unfortunately for them the trend is likely to this year as well. Unless of course Messi/Tevez decides to do a Zidane and drag their team to a world cup final thereby masking the incompetence of their manager.
England:
Every four years, we hear a lot about their so-called world class team and their chances of winning the world cup. This world cup year is no different. They have two fit world class players, Wayne Rooney and John Terry. Rio Ferdinand, their new captain, has neither been fit nor anywhere near his top form. In fact, the ease with which Torres brushed him aside in the match against Manchester United should be a cause for concern. They have right backs capable of either only attacking or only defending. They don’t have a left winger. One of their first choice strikers is more of a workhorse than a goal scorer.
Even with a brilliant manager in Fabio Capello, they would be lucky to get to the semi-finals.
Germany:
Since 2002, Michael Ballack and Oliver Kahn were the only great players in their lineup. Now Oliver Kahn has retired, and Michael Ballack is no longer the midfield maestro he once was. But then, this is Germany. They have the knack of reserving their top form for the biggest tournaments and in Thomas Muller they have a young striker of great promise. Even in the current weakened state, they should manage to make it easily to the quarter-finals or semi-finals.
Netherlands:
They have a good team, but it’s nowhere close to the team Holland had in the late 90s and the early part of this decade. Their midfield is still quite strong and with Engelaar to protect their backline, their defense should be fine as well; but it’s the lack of firepower in the strikers which is likely to derail their challenge. Van Nistelrooy hasn’t played for Real Madrid in some time, Huntelaar has traded Real Madrid’s bench for A. C. Milan’s bench.
Holland should get to the quarter-finals and that should be it.
Italy:
Marcelo Lippi has brought a squad which is quite similar to the one he brought to Germany in 2006. The likes of Del Piero, Totti (if he comes out of retirement, and is selected to play), Cannavaro, Luca Toni have gotten older and their contribution is likely to be key to Italy’s title challenge. One potential problem is that their strike force isn’t as creative as in the recent past, and the absence of Antonio Cassano may yet haunt them in this tournament. But they should easily make it to the quarter-finals and after that they would have to rely on their water-tight backline to carry forward their challenge.
They are easily one of the favorites for this year’s world cup.
Brazil:
The only way they won’t do well in this world cup is if they choose to self-destruct. Most of the players in their squad, including their bench, are world class. Still I have two complaints:
1) They don’t play like Brazil of old.
2) There is no indication that they are going to take Ronaldo to South Africa.
This is a team which has no obvious weaknesses, and it would take a truly special effort on the part of any team to beat them.
Portugal:
Their squad to South Africa has some of the most exciting wingers in the world, but unfortunately their squad doesn’t have a half-decent striker. Moreover, their manager has proven to be an exceptional understudy to a manager but is yet to convince as a manager.
They aren’t likely to progress beyond quarter-finals/semi-finals as they don’t have the wherewithal to beat an Italy/Brazil/Germany/Spain.
Spain:
Their passing game is a joy to behold. In David Villa, Fernando Torres they have two strikers who can destroy any set of defenders on this planet. However their real strength lies in their powerhouse of a midfield. Xavi, Iniesta, Fabregas can pass the ball around the opposition for eons at a stretch. If only they had a taller group of players, then they would be the firm favorites for this world cup. But as Johan Cruyff said, “Without the ball you can't win”. With Xavi and Iniesta manning the midfield, the opposition midfielders would struggle to get anywhere near one.
So, in my opinion the two finalists should be any of Italy, Germany, Brazil, and Spain (definitely not in this order).
France:
How can such a talented team have to struggle so hard just to qualify for the tournament? The answer is very simple: If there were a prize for being the worst manager of the year; their manager would have won it hands down for the past 4 years.
It is a great team with a crap coach and though they are in a pretty decent group, they won’t go very far in this world cup.
P.S.: For a team whose recent attacking play has been dysfunctional at best, why is Domenech not playing Pires?
Argentina:
Who was Argentina’s best player in 1998? Fernando Redondo
Why didn’t he play in the 98 world cup? Good question (Only Daniel Passarella knows)
Who was Argentina’s best playmaker in 2002? Riquelme
Why didn’t he play in the 2002 world cup? Ask Marcelo Biesla
Why weren’t Messi and Tevez unleashed on the Germans in 2006? Apparently Julio Cruz was better than them, as far as Jose Pekerman was concerned.
Their problem for a really long time has been their coaches, and unfortunately for them the trend is likely to this year as well. Unless of course Messi/Tevez decides to do a Zidane and drag their team to a world cup final thereby masking the incompetence of their manager.
England:
Every four years, we hear a lot about their so-called world class team and their chances of winning the world cup. This world cup year is no different. They have two fit world class players, Wayne Rooney and John Terry. Rio Ferdinand, their new captain, has neither been fit nor anywhere near his top form. In fact, the ease with which Torres brushed him aside in the match against Manchester United should be a cause for concern. They have right backs capable of either only attacking or only defending. They don’t have a left winger. One of their first choice strikers is more of a workhorse than a goal scorer.
Even with a brilliant manager in Fabio Capello, they would be lucky to get to the semi-finals.
Germany:
Since 2002, Michael Ballack and Oliver Kahn were the only great players in their lineup. Now Oliver Kahn has retired, and Michael Ballack is no longer the midfield maestro he once was. But then, this is Germany. They have the knack of reserving their top form for the biggest tournaments and in Thomas Muller they have a young striker of great promise. Even in the current weakened state, they should manage to make it easily to the quarter-finals or semi-finals.
Netherlands:
They have a good team, but it’s nowhere close to the team Holland had in the late 90s and the early part of this decade. Their midfield is still quite strong and with Engelaar to protect their backline, their defense should be fine as well; but it’s the lack of firepower in the strikers which is likely to derail their challenge. Van Nistelrooy hasn’t played for Real Madrid in some time, Huntelaar has traded Real Madrid’s bench for A. C. Milan’s bench.
Holland should get to the quarter-finals and that should be it.
Italy:
Marcelo Lippi has brought a squad which is quite similar to the one he brought to Germany in 2006. The likes of Del Piero, Totti (if he comes out of retirement, and is selected to play), Cannavaro, Luca Toni have gotten older and their contribution is likely to be key to Italy’s title challenge. One potential problem is that their strike force isn’t as creative as in the recent past, and the absence of Antonio Cassano may yet haunt them in this tournament. But they should easily make it to the quarter-finals and after that they would have to rely on their water-tight backline to carry forward their challenge.
They are easily one of the favorites for this year’s world cup.
Brazil:
The only way they won’t do well in this world cup is if they choose to self-destruct. Most of the players in their squad, including their bench, are world class. Still I have two complaints:
1) They don’t play like Brazil of old.
2) There is no indication that they are going to take Ronaldo to South Africa.
This is a team which has no obvious weaknesses, and it would take a truly special effort on the part of any team to beat them.
Portugal:
Their squad to South Africa has some of the most exciting wingers in the world, but unfortunately their squad doesn’t have a half-decent striker. Moreover, their manager has proven to be an exceptional understudy to a manager but is yet to convince as a manager.
They aren’t likely to progress beyond quarter-finals/semi-finals as they don’t have the wherewithal to beat an Italy/Brazil/Germany/Spain.
Spain:
Their passing game is a joy to behold. In David Villa, Fernando Torres they have two strikers who can destroy any set of defenders on this planet. However their real strength lies in their powerhouse of a midfield. Xavi, Iniesta, Fabregas can pass the ball around the opposition for eons at a stretch. If only they had a taller group of players, then they would be the firm favorites for this world cup. But as Johan Cruyff said, “Without the ball you can't win”. With Xavi and Iniesta manning the midfield, the opposition midfielders would struggle to get anywhere near one.
So, in my opinion the two finalists should be any of Italy, Germany, Brazil, and Spain (definitely not in this order).
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